What’s on your table?
When I have investigated the rationale for my past behaviors and thoughts – my biased internal dialog about the “whys” I did something – a freezer full of defensive responses came spewing forth to my ego’s rescue. There are reasons for my behaviors, some of which even I can’t believe, but I am willing to defend them, no matter how stupid they may be.
I got to thinking about the feeders, how they eat negatively charged emotional energy like hors d’oeuvres at a party. Now I get a kind of sick satisfaction when the question “why” comes around, because now, I pause to think before I go to defense – taking the food off the table.
Withholding is a bitch! 😀
When I let go of a need to justify myself, I give myself a break from catering a party I don’t even want to attend.
What’s at your party table?
OMG! That is FUNNY!
How do I live my life without reasons?
It feels like I’d be living without purpose. When I do something, I like to think I have good reason for doing it – more than just “I did it” – I want an “I did it because…” that makes sense to me. Reasons (justifications) seem to me to derive from purpose.
Don’t I need a purpose – or life need a point?
If I abandon all my reasons, what will become of me? How do I fill the hole left behind when I ditch my “reasons” (justifications)? Will I be a zombie – without feelings, passions, and life purpose?
Won’t I starve if I have nothing on my table?
Feeding can be fun, when it’s me doing it. Feeders are like cockroaches, it’s not what they steal or take away, it’s the mess they leave behind and I have to clean up that”s the problem.
What if your reasons are not what’s supporting your purpose or vise versa. Perhaps by eliminating the old reasons and adopting new ones, purpose will become clearer. I’m not saying get rid of your purpose, reexamine your reasons associated with your purpose and explore ones that are more promising.
Thanks, Carol. That’s awesome!
Let me play with this a moment. Let’s say that I feel angry at you for some behavior you did that I don’t like. My REASON for treating you harshly in return is “pay back” – and is fully justified in my mind. Neat, tidy, “reasonable”.
Reexamined, I see that it was I who witnessed your behaviors and interpreted them. My anger was not in response to YOUR behavior but to my own internal beliefs about our relationship. -and/or-
Reexamined, I see that I forgot to eat lunch and let my blood sugar levels drop too low and behaved inappropriately toward you – THEN justified my behavior with a lie (that you had behaved badly toward me first). -and/or-
Reexamined, I might see any number of alternatives to my initial reaction. One thing is most likely true: whatever my initial reactive reasons and justifications, they are most certainly WRONG.
SO – my conclusion –
Knowing that I’m PROBABLY wrong about this (saying in my head, “I’m probably wrong about this…”) sets me up to reinvestigate and reexamine my thoughts. I can see how THIS ONE ACTION/THOUGHT PROCESS could fulfill your recommendation to explore and reexamine.
I think you got it! Does this help you see your purpose more clearly?
And what purpose is that then? 😉