Feeding can be smooth but strangely unsatisfying.

I’m married to a feeder and so is she. We’ve been together for quite some time and I love her deeply. I’ve given my life over to US rather than ME and I like it quite a bit.

So, where’s the feed for us feeders?

Human interaction is a feeder’s delight. No matter how well humans communicate, there is always miscommunication and tension. Yes, that’s right – TENSION. Marriage, the bringing together of two (very different) human beings “for life” means a lifetime of tension. Oh, yes, it’s not all daisies and roses and cupcakes for breakfast. Marriage is TENSE and REWARDING. Huh? Tense AND rewarding? How’s that?

Tense because we’re together! No matter how “good” it is, there is ALWAYS the potential for stress because we are human and different from each other. It’s what we humans do together – we cause conflict! Even when both people in the marriage are perfectly compatible, there will be inevitable strain – it’s the result of a characteristic human interaction we “deal with” regularly.

Rewarding because we always get a feed from the tension. We’ll feed on the anxiety until we are satisfied. Then things seem to roll along nicely until the tension builds and the feeding begins again. Ideally, we strike a balance between threat and reward.

Many folks overdo it – overfeeding at the tension table. OCF- Obsessive, Compulsive Feeding tends to send the feeder back to the feedee for more conflict to satisfy their need for perceived power… which in many cases is justification for the feed itself.

So, does that mean we should avoid conflict? I don’t know – it’s not my call for you. In moderation, the balance of tension and feeding can be quite, well, satisfying. And when just the right amount of pressure is added, the feeding can be exquisite for both the feeder and the feedee.

These are just a few aspects of a very complex system.